And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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