real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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