Sponge bath it is.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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