Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize