Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize