dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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