My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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