dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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