Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize