quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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