I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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