I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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