So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize