last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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