The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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