I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize