Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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