be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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