I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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