Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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