I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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