whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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