I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize