I hate your face
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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