so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize