So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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