Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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