He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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