I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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