hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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