i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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