So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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