Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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