im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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