how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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