He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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