i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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