You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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