I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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