I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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