my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize