The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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