where am i from again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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