Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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