i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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