dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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