My sheets look like a crime scene.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize