I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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