Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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