I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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