Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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