Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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